I have assisted a doctor deliver the baby of a female pregnant patient with leprosy.
I have ran to the pharmacy to get an ampule of a life-saving drug for another patient only to get back to the patient’s room to hear the doctor pronouncing the time of death.
I have held another patient’s hand and watched him die before his relatives could arrive.
On top of it all, I have washed all these dead bodies, filled out their death tags, and turned them over to be carried to the morgue.
None of these past morbid and traumatic experiences was enough to render me “equip for anything else”. The PRECEDING couldn’t EQUIP me for the SUCCEEDING. Everyday will always be a learning experience for me. I can never always know what to do. At one point this patient was talking to you (alive and enthusiastic), then you turn around and he’s already dying.
I resigned from my previous hospital with thoughts of not getting back to hospital work EVER again. Although at that time I had a pending application with another hospital. I focused with my masters and intended to get into teaching. But I have parents who would not tolerate my weakness and would keep on telling me to go on and on and on. So yes I got hired again. I don’t know what really happened but it was the masters degree that I gave up. I got back to hospital work. I don’t know how to explain that to you. Only God can cause a radical change of heart.
Isaiah 30:21 – Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying “This is the way; walk in it.”
Two weeks ago I was standing outside the room with the signage “Airborne Precaution” hanging outside the door. I stood outside the room staring at the signage for the longest minute of my life. I was assigned to the suspect H1N1 patient. This patient is also positive for TB Meningitis and a lot of other infectious diseases which are mostly airborne and bloodborne. I was holding the thermoscan on my right and the N95 mask on my left. Had my grip been equally proportional to the strength of my thoughts and feelings at that time, I would have crushed both the thermoscan and the mask . I was thinking: “Lord ano na naman to Lord?” The housekeeper passing by noticed me and said: “Ma’am yan ba yung H1N1? Positive na ba sya?”… Now that was the go signal to enter the room…
As I’ve said, the preceding experiences couldn’t equip me for all the succeeding one’s. I was like a robot for the first few hours of my shift. Put on the N95 mask, get inside the room, do the nurse thing, get out of the room, wash hands intensively and obsessively , then back at step one again. On one moment however, I must have awakened the patient and he was looking intently at my ID then he said.. “Ate Marie…”.. It was like the password that made me stop from being a robot and start being a real nurse.. I looked at him in the eye and I couldn’t help but feel guilty.. Because I was scared for myself.. MORE than I was concerned of caring for him as his nurse..
Then God was just speaking… “This is MY CALL Marie… I was the one who assigned you to this patient… And I was the one who placed you in all those other situations that you would refer to as morbid and traumatic…”
While the whole world would run away from this H1N1 patient I was there by his bedside… It can’t be just the call of duty… Only God could have called me to do it… Only God can make me obey..
I remembered what God said to Moses when He called him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt…. “I will be with you personally….”
Exodus 3:12 – “I will be with you and this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you…”
Exodus 3:13-14 –
Moses: “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, The God of your fathers has sent me to you, and they ask me, “What is his name?” Then what shall I tell them? ”
God: “I am who I am” Tell them.. “I am has sent me to you”…
And I thought…. Isn’t it EQUIPPING to know what God believes we can do? Despite of our inadequacies and failures…
Isaiah 55:8,9 – For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways.
Reminds me of an old song:
Ascribe greatness to our God, the Rock
His work is Perfect
And all His ways are just…
A God of faithfulness
Without injustice
Good and upright is He…
Thank you Lord for setting my feet upon a rock…. Truly though I walk through valleys close, I will fear no evil… You still my soul… In You I trust…
Hebrews 12:12-13 – “Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled but rather be healed…”
Recent Comments